5-25-2015 Obstacles

When we do anything, there are going to be obstacles. It is a fact of life. Some of them are bigger and some of them are smaller. And we have to find a way to deal with them. Most of the time we have to power through them, find a way to work around them and keep on going. Sometimes the obstacles are big enough that they stop us in our tracks. Yet when that happens, we have to find a way to get back on track soon enough and put that obstacle behind ourselves.

Today I found myself in one of the latter situations. For those who are not aware, I have PTSD. It's part of the reason that got me into the shape I am in today, subconsciously though it contributed. It's been an active part of my life since high school when it came to the forefront of my life.

Today it was the nightmares. I think they were worse than they have been in a good long while. I am not going to get into the details about what the dreams were about or entailed. Suffice it to say that it made for a harrowing night with little real rest. For all that it is psychological in nature, there is still a physical effect and toll on the body. For me today it has been exhaustion, wooziness from a lack of any real restful sleep and a physical pain in my body. My body was tense from everything going on in my dreams and when I woke up I got to deal with that tenseness. I got through the first half of my exercises, the ones where I was seated, but when I tried standing up or to go on a walk I nearly fell because I was so woozy and my body just wouldn't move.

As a result of that I decided to try sleeping today and resting. It ended up leading to more nightmares, but on the balance I ended up getting -some- more rest. I'm still stiff, but slowly it's getting better. The important thing that I had to recognize about today though was that today was a time when I just couldn't do the things I would normally do. This is something that my physical therapist and I have talked about. Recognizing what my body is telling me and knowing when to step back a little.

However, I cannot and we cannot use that as an excuse to be lazy if we aren't feeling up for it. We still have to try and sometimes if we do a little bit we can start to feel better. It's about learning to read our bodies rather than letting our mind dictate. And it is important that tomorrow I get right back on the horse, as it were and get back to working out again tomorrow.

Today is just an obstacle, a stumbling block, but in the greater scheme of things, it is going to end up being a minor blip that will be forgotten about and I will be on my way again and doing better. The goal is still in sight and a small slip won't prevent me from getting there, it won't prevent you from getting where you are going either. You just have to pick yourself back up, dust yourself off and keep on going.

photo credit: Innocent X via photopin (license)

5-20-2015 Glorious Outdoors

This is really  more of a mini-update than anything else. But I wanted to share my exciting new journey in exercising today as well as the first pictures of me on the blog. I was sort of nervous about sharing these. I have some serious body issues. However, I thought it was such a great achievement, that I had to share.

Today, for the second time in the last week, I went out walking outside. Overall, the length of my walk wasn't any further than what I usually do, in fact it was less than I usually do, but I did some walking over uneven terrain and walked further without my wheelchair than normal. My wheelchair is standing by and I sat down on it fairly often to rest before I kept walking, but it just felt great to get outside.

I spend 95% of my time cloistered in my house, and 85% of that time in my room. I get out for appointments only really and getting out there and breathing the fresh air was just something amazing to me. I never noticed how thick the air is inside and just how different it is until I went outside and came back in. I am anxiously awaiting the chance to go back outside and walk some more.

We are taking things slowly, however. Safety is the byword that my physical therapist is having us live by, and with good reason. If I push too hard and fall, we can set back all of the good work we have done.  As it stands, we've made amazing strides. I've got these pictures from late March even and the changes are quite something. Albeit, some of it is distorted by my sitting, but never the less you can still see some real changed there.

We worked really hard and tried out different things to deal with that lymph edema on my ride side. The lobe is still there, but it is massively deflated right now and that is making my whole exercise and walking routine that much easier because it isn't throwing off my balance as much. This means I can walk more safely and now that it is a lot smaller, I can fit my clothing better as well.

It's hard to believe that the two pictures represent just a little under two months and about 50 pounds of difference. It could be the angle of the shot with me sitting down, but I just seem a lot bigger in that. Maybe I am putting on muscle under there, which is why it isn't a more drastic weight loss. I've been rapidly increasing my weight and reps with exercises. Averaging one more rep on each one a day.

Today we just overhauled a lot of my physical therapy, stream lined it so that some of the beginning exercises just to help me get initial movement are now being replaced by exercises that require a bit more effort. My physical therapist is really happy with the progress. She said I made some of the exercises just look easy. My routine should now be a bit leaner, meaner and really help build the strength I need to keep exercising more.

I have my appointment for my pre-surgical class scheduled for the 18th of June and I'm really looking forward to that. Hopefully they see the work I've done and we will be on track for the surgery sometime in july/august.

5-18-2015 Warning: It gets Icky

I said above it gets icky and I'm giving another warning here for those who might not want to venture into the realm of TMI. I plan on discussing some of the perhaps less talked about aspects of weight loss, its effects and also just some of the general stuff that people have to go through in this process. It will involve body issues and medical stuff. And as a reminder, I'm not a doctor, I'm not in the medical industry, I'm only relating my own experiences with my own weight loss journey. Others might experience things slightly differently, or may not even have the same issues. But be warned, it does get a little bit icky.

For those who know me well, sometimes when I get obsessive about something I tend to research it a lot. One of the things that I also do is I just start doing math. It's funny, I did a lot of advanced math stuff in highschool, got to college and went, screw math, lets go full into theatre and english. Not that I didn't do both in high school, I did a lot, but for those who knew me in college, they probably never got that side of me except in my gaming aspects.

But anyway, this has caused me to read a lot and do a lot of random calculations, like the estimated weight of certain body parts (128 pounds for each leg), my estimated skin weight (around 130 pounds) so that I can gauge different things, like how much weight I lift when I do my leg lifts, how much weight will be gone when I remove my excess skin (about 100 pounds or so). I just need to know and sort of explain the things that I am going through and am feeling. that is where I came across this wonderful article about where the fat goes.

I always knew to an extent that a good portion of it goes out through the air we breath, I knew this from the REE that I had done and it just made sense. And I've always had my doctors talking about the potential for water retention affecting weight loss in a given week or so. I won't link anything about the water retention research I did, it just made me more confused as there seem to be a lot of different schools of thought on it in relation to weight loss specifically. However, this did make me come to another realization about how this relates to something else I am going through and this is where things get a bit icky.

Diarrhea. The average person goes between once every three days to three times a day when everything is normal. Above that and if it is liquidy it is diarrhea. I have noticed, especially as I've been losing weight that I've been going to the bathroom a lot more. I mean, I've always peed a lot thanks to diabetes, it is part of the reason I have trouble sleeping at night because diabetes causes you to pee more. Now it is even more so and I've had lots and lots of number twos that are mostly or all liquid. Now it seems that it may simply be an effect of weight loss as my body is pushing out the water aspect of my weight loss. It kind of makes your perspective change a little bit while you are going for your fifth time in a day. Then again, it is also exhausting having that need.

The worst has been when I've been in mid workout and  things start to move. Our society is so afraid to talk about theses sorts of things that you never really hear much about it or read much about it. When I first was experiencing it I wasn't able to really find much of anything, other than a few 'hushed' conversations about "runner's diarrhea" on some forums. But those weren't really credible as I wasn't able to find any science to back them up. While my own theory is conjecture, I'm at least basing it on the science of that above article and it does make sense in its own way. As I lose more weight, I'm probably going to be experiencing this more and more.

On a different end of the spectrum, one thing I will have to be careful about going forward is skin issues. In the weight loss surgery community, it is well known about excess skin being an issue and some embrace it and show it off, others will hide it, many get surgery to have the excess skin removed. It means a lot of different things to different people. One thing that comes with it though is the increased risk of yeast infections.

At my size, I have those, a lot. It is more than just uncomfortable, it is physically painful and if left unchecked could prove to be dangerous to my health. As my skin begins to be less taut, it produces more crevices and folds that are going to be dark and hot and with my increased working out, they get wet easily which just proves to be a breeding ground for the yeast infections. As i work, the worse it is going to get and the more painful it is going to get. I think that is one of the things that many overlook about weight loss. those who say 'it is just discipline' Well, yes, discipline plays into it, but you have your own body working against you in many ways making it difficult.

Albeit, I may have my situation be more pronounced, just due to my size, but it still remains an issue. I know that I for one am going to be having the surgery to remove the excess skin later and I hope to be able to donate it to burn victims. I've got type O blood and I've wanted to donate my blood for a long time, but haven't been able to, due to my weight. But maybe my excess skin, when the time comes, can do a lot of good for some people.

I have one month until my pre-surgical class. I should know then about when I will be having my surgery. I will keep my fingers crossed.

photo credit: expecting this? via photopin (license)

5-7-15 Another Step Closer

I am sorry that I wasn't able to post earlier this week. Things have been super hectic here, with appointments out the wazoo. I've been seeing physical therapists and nurses and the whole lot and I've been exhausted from everything. Sleep schedule has been all out of whack so I've been taking naps in my brief periods of free time during the day.

Today I had my REE and my weigh in. I was nervous going in and had some mixed feelings about it at first, but in the end, things were looking very positive. First off, my REE. I am burning, at rest, 3600 calories per day. With my current diet of between 2500-3000 calories a day, that is right where I need to be. That plus my exercise should do me well for carrying me through the rest of this. I am still nervous, as this is going to slow my weight loss and it already has in some ways. However, that may not matter too much now.

My current weight is 709.4. I lost 34.8 pounds in the last 5 weeks. It's less than I lost at my last weigh in in 3 weeks, but this weight loss seems to be more of a healthy weight loss than before and they are pleased with the progress. They were so pleased in fact that I actually got to sit down with the surgeon today to talk about it. This is the first time I've seen her in three years.

My cousin had a lap bad with Dr Patterson and said she was a very stern woman and the meeting was actually very positive to me. She seemed happy and her staff came in after she left to tell me that she was very happy with how I was going. They made the decision to seek approval for the surgery right now. The goal is to see them again in 4-6 weeks. That will be a general check in like we usually do, but they also want to do my pre-surgical class then as well and make that my last appointment before surgery. I am guessing that that means, so long as I keep on track and don't go up and keep on losing, I am 2-3 months away from surgery, depending on when the approvals get in and what they decide.

Only one more appointment pre-surgery. I am still in a bit of shock about it. I mean, I've always been hoping that would be the case, since I lost the 37 pounds in that three weeks. But I guess I never expected it. Now that the reality is here, it's shocking, but also I am nervous. This is going to be big and it is great for me. I just need to keep at it.

We discussed the surgery options between a traditional bypass and a gastric sleeve. We decided on the sleeve because it is safer and later can be transitioned into something else. The traditional bypass can produce greater weight loss, but the sleeve will be better for me for now and I can always do a band or bypass later if it isn't enough.

I've come a long way in this journey so far. I've had my weight fluctuate up and down, but since October it has steadily been coming down. I've lost about 140 pounds through my diet and exercise since October. They still want me to get as close to 650 as possible or even 600 if possible, but it seems that we are in the final leg of the journey before surgery. Just have to keep it up until then.

scale photo:photo credit: Bathroom Scale via photopin (license)