It all started with the physical therapist calling me at 8:30 in the morning, saying they would be here between 9:45 and 10:00. For my day usually starts at 10:00 am. Late for most people, but given my schedule it is what works for me. And my days are pretty regimented due to my diet program and exercise program. Even though it was only 15 minutes early my entire internal clock got off track and I was waking up every 15 minutes from there on out because I just had my schedule off.
As a result when 9:30 came around and I gave up on sleep I was shaking and disoriented. Due to my disabilities, I have to make use of a urinal and my hand was shaking so much I spilled everything everywhere and it was a mess. Thankfully my homecare worker got there and Patti, she is a dream, she swooped in like a guardian angel to help me get cleaned up in time for the physical therapist who showed up at 10:15.
The physical therapist did her treatment for my tennis elbow and began working with me on some new exercises to add to what I am already doing. Which is great, I was looking for more to add, we've been adding more. just the other day i decided to add a second round of exercises in the evening. The Physical therapist ended up wanting me to add another round of walking again ont op of what I had already added.
As I said before, my schedule is pretty regimented and it can be hard to squeeze in too many things and she was wanting me to do the walking when no homecare workers are around to help me move my chair out to where I do my walking (so I have somewhere to rest between laps) and no one there to spot for me. Let me tell you, being 781 pounds and being mobile is hard enough without doing it without the safety net of a homecare worker or someone to help me with things. Moving a seat out there to walk (it has to go in front of the door so it can't just be left there) I tried to explain the difficulties of doing this to the Physical Therapist, but she didn't really want to hear it. Then she was saying she wanted to show up at 9:30 two days a week and before i could say anything she said that if she can do it, I can do it.
A big part of the reason my time getting up later is the way it is is so that it coincides with my schedule of protein shakes and because I have such an incredibly hard time getting to sleep at night, I need that 10 am time in order to get some of the sleep I need. If my sleep is off I have less energy and less ability to do the exercises I need to do. We worked this schedule out to accommodate these facts to try and give me the best chance of success possible. I began to get really frustrated, because the physical therapist seemed to want to change my schedule rapidly and massively to suit what she thought my needs should be without addressing the realities of my life that I have to deal with and what has been worked out carefully with my other doctors.
When she left my mother and homecare worker were both upset at what they had heard and I was beginning to just panic about how I am supposed to accommodate everything. My mother ended up calling the nurses to try and get them to not come before 12:30 (to give time for my bath, my first round of exercising and my first two shakes of the day). Patti again came to safe the day and after my bath when I went out to do my walk she got a piece of paper and while I walked and rested between laps we charted out my schedule.
It's gone through four revisions so far today, but we think we've found something that will work. The real key is hoping that my mother or my sister (one of whom is recovering from spinal surgery so really hoping my sister or my neighbor maybe) can help move the seat out to walk after dinner. My schedule has gotten so tight that Patti made me schedule a period for relaxation and having fun.
I love to play roleplaying games like muds and video games. I am going to have to cut back from what I used to do. I am on a break from them because of the interviews that I am doing, trying to find a homecare worker for when Patti isn't working. It's sort of sad, realizing I won't be able to come back in the same capacity that I used to do. I know it is sort of temporary. Once I reach my goal weight and have surgery, the urgency of the situation will not be quite so pronounced. I'll be in recovery, I'll have a bit more time for some of these things. But for now I have to focus on my health.
And on health, my toes have decided to explode with infections again. Okay, maybe not quite literally, but it is pretty bad. I have some ingrown toenails that the podiatrist didn't want to take care of when I called the first time. Or rather the nurse for the podiatrist didn't wish to at the time, because the infection was getting mostly better the first time. This was a few weeks ago. It's flared right back up again and I called back again and found out the podiatrist is on vacation until monday.
Because of my diabetes, things like this are a serious issue. I've had people telling me all the time, any issues in your toes or feet, it could lead to you losing your toes and feet. I called my primary care doctor's office about it, to see about antibiotics or things like that. I also called home health, because they had said repeatedly if I get an infection, call them up because it is important that they send someone out to check it, because of my diabetes. I did that and the nurse was very intense about how they couldn't do anything for me, that it wasn't an emergency issue. They really did a lot to make me feel like I had wasted their time. And the funny thing is, they said as they left, I just like helping people. I didn't really feel helped, but more like I was bothering them.
I think the unifying thing between this nurse and the physical therapist earlier is that they are so quick to put me into a box. I have to fit into their perfect categories of this or that. That and the biggest thing I have found with my weight loss journey is that you need a community of support to help you through it. And with these meetings today, I haven't felt like I've been getting that there. The other doctors and nurses I've worked with have been great. Patti has been wonderful through all of this.
It's a sad thing that all of the negatives can seem to weigh much more heavily than the positives. It's one of those things that I've had a lot of trouble dealing with. It's something that I think a lot of people deal with. I just keep trying to use that self talk to try and keep my mind on the positives. My family and Patti are good about helping encourage that too. We've also begun to put up signs and keep track of things to help with the positivity. I have a sign up charting my weight loss since October with my goal weight and goal date below it. We have also set up a weekly calender to keep track of my time exercising in the morning, laps in the morning, time exercising in the evening and laps in the evening. And the laps and time exercising are two separate events. I don't double count the laps as time exercising. These things I think will help me chart a positive path forward.
Part of that will need a good homecare worker. I am searching for a new homecare worker as I said earlier, but the person who was supposed to interview today didn't show up. This is the second person who hasn't shown up this week. Thankfully we have some good prospects who have shown up and two more interviews this week. I am hoping that by monday I can sit down with Patti and my mother and really discuss the candidates and come to a conclusion.
Tomorrow we start this new and hopefully improved schedule. It's my cheat day so I get some special foods. But on saturday I am going to try a lean cuisine dinner for my meal, we found some at the store and that is an option for the diet. We think doing those will help us better control the diet then what we have been doing. I go in to be weighed on April 2nd. I am 781.3 pounds right now. My goal is that by then I will be 756.6. If I am I will be on track for reaching my goal by July 4th.
photo credit: after the heat via photopin (license)
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